Hire Me.

I absolutely loathe updating my resume. It's something I have to do at least once a semester and I can never fit everything I want to fit on it. I don't know which jobs are more important than others, I don't know what "other stuff" to list, and I always screw up the formatting. Plus, it's pretty difficult to make tasks like "alphabetizing" and "hole-punching papers" sound enticing. HOW do I get YOU to hire me? What do you want to see on my resume? Do you want to hear about my steady office job at school or my one-day stint as a talent escort? Do you want to know that I have conversational Spanish abilities or that I participated in a research project with a well-respected professor last semester? Where do I list my cinema minor? How big does my name have to be? Should I print it on pink paper and finish it with perfume a la Elle Woods or turn it into a candy bar wrapper a la this guy? (EDIT: an article on Yahoo News this morning about '11 Resumes That Got Worldwide Attention' how do I compete???) How can I make my resume better than the rest of the ones in the pile on your desk? HELP ME. I guess it's a good thing that my biggest resume problem at the age of nineteen is that I can't fit all my work experience on it. But I have to start applying for summer internships right now and I don't know how to tackle this issue. I need advice, but I don't think I have enough time to GET advice. I want to start applying NOW, not in two weeks. I haven't decided where or for whom I want to work this summer but I've got to start getting my name out there. Please. Hire me.