I'm a Flawless Q.U.E.E.N. Bo$$: Female Musicians and Their "Versions" of Feminism

Tavi Gevinson, in her article “Just Kidding, Love Sucks,” argues that Taylor Swift’s style of songwriting is feminist. Yes, Swift writes about short-term, romantic experiences, but Gevinson posits that this is Swift’s greatest strength: “dressing up an experience until what happened matches how it felt” (26). While Swift’s style of songwriting may not identify with what society would generally deem as a feminist song (she’s not preaching for equal rights in her choruses), Gevinson claims that Swift “displays her own version of strength and does dole out some sage advice“ (28). There are many different “versions” of feminism, and many different female artists express these through their music: both in lyrics and music videos. This playlist will illuminate a handful of female musicians and their different ways of promoting and expressing their feminist beliefs. Not one version of feminism is better or stronger than the other, because each piece is contributing to gender equality as a whole.

1. Partition and Flawless - Beyonce – 2014 MTV VMA Performance

Get More: 2014 VMA, Artists.MTV, Beyoncé, MTV VMA Video Vanguard (Medley), Music, More Music Videos

I cannot start this analysis without first discussing Beyonce. She has been the subject for a great deal of both criticism and praise this year regarding her style of feminism. But, regardless, she is a proud and open feminist. This video is a live performance from the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards, and while the entire thing is incredible, I would like to focus on a specific part – starting at 9:15 and ending at 11:23. While technically the part encompasses two individual songs – Partition and Flawless - because they are not the full songs I am going to treat them as one. The entirety of this performance is over sixteen minutes long, and covers parts of every song on her most recent album. The particular ordering of her songs, and these two especially, is significant. Beyonce’s Partition begins to play at the 9:15 mark – focusing solely on the visuals, her curvaceous body is silhouetted, immediately sending a very sexual message. Then she struts to a pole, grabs it, and starts dancing very sexually. The lyrics to the song themselves revolve around pleasing her man sexually in the backseat of a limo. She states, “driver roll up the partition please / I don’t want you seeing ‘Yonce on her knees” and, addressing her significant other, continues, “I just wanna be the girl you like / take all of me.” These lyrics seem, on the surface, to be the opposite of feminist. She indicates that she would change for her man, and wants to please him. Yet, Beyonce has stood by her version of feminism as, well, being a feminist but also having a family and loving her husband. On top of this, Beyonce is actually already subverting the narrow ideas of women in pop music, in that typical pop songs "deny or repress sexuality" (Frith & Robbie 380). And, if anyone watching thinks, “well, Beyonce really isn’t being feminist in this portion of her performance,” those thoughts are definitely shoved aside as Partition transitions out, and Flawless transitions in.

Starting at 10:26, one of Beyonce’s more traditionally feminist songs, Flawless, begins. While the lyrics that Beyonce sings themselves may not seem very feminist, “I know when you were little girls / You dreamt of being in my world / Don’t forget it, don’t forget it / Respect that / Bow down bitches,” Beyonce inserted sound bites from Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED Talk that are very clearly feminist. The parts of the speech that Beyonce included in her VMA performance are “we teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are / we teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller / we say to girls, “you can have ambition, but not too much, you should aim to be successful, but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man / feminist: the person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.” In the performance, these words are not only spoken as they are in the song, but they are flashed on the screen and the word feminist displays for a substantial amount of time and Beyonce steps in front of it and proudly and publicly associates herself with the word. Stacking this right after Partition, Beyonce is not only making the claim that she is feminist, but that in being feminist she can also want to please her man, and that these are not mutually exclusive ideas. Beyonce can be married, love her husband, and have a child, and still be a feminist, and she is making that very, very clear.


2. Hard Out Here - Lily Allen



Lily Allen has never been one to sugar coat things. She’s consistently made splashes through her music, and her most recent album release did not fail. The song and accompanying music video for “Hard Out Here” caused quite a stir. Throughout the lyrics of the song she refers to herself (and other women) as “a bitch.” In fact, the title comes from the chorus, “It’s hard out here for a bitch.” She sings about the double standard women face, “if I told you ‘bout my sex life, you’d call me a slut / when boys be talking bout their bitches, no one’s making a fuss,” she sings about the pressures society puts on women, “if you’re not a size six, then you’re not good looking / well, you better be rich, or be real good at cooking / you sould probably lose some weight ‘cause we can’t see your bones / you should probably fix your face or you’ll end up on your own.” Though her lyrics are very clearly feminist, Lily Allen’s use of satire in her music video packs an even stronger punch. The video opens up with her receiving liposuction and her agent and her doctors judging her. Her (male) agent asks “how does somebody let themselves get like this” and a (male) doctor responds with, “it’s the lack of self-discipline I suppose,” to which Allen seemingly helplessly responds, “um I had two babies!” It doesn’t matter why she’s too large for society’s standards, because she just shouldn’t have let herself go. In the video she learns how to properly shake her butt by her agent’s standard, she seductively cleans tire rims, seductively eats a banana, and rubs her butt against a car. Allen’s version of feminism is one of advocating openly for equal rights without fear of alienation – she’s indelicate with her lyrics and her video in making her point, and it’s hilarious and poignant.


3. Q.U.E.E.N – Janelle Monae feat. Erykah Badu



While Janelle Monae has been known for her androgyny, her most recent album ‘Electric Lady’ is full of girl-power tunes. In Q.U.E.E.N, Monae focuses on empowering women to be themselves, accept themselves, and fight for their own equality. In one of her verses she asks the questions “Am I a freak for dancing around? / And am I weird to dance alone late at night? / And is it true that we’re all insane?” She is referring to herself, but also to women as a whole. Constantly women are deemed “crazy” – yet in the final line of the verse, Monae rejects this, “And I just tell ‘em, ‘No we ain’t,’ and get down.” Although she refers to herself throughout the song “Hey sister am I good enough for your heaven? . Say will your God accept me in black and white / Will he approve the way I’m made? / Or should I reprogram the program and get down?” she is actually touching on women as a whole and their insecurities. She again knocks this idea aside and emphasizes her (and women's in general) individuality, “Even if it makes others uncomfortable / I wanna love who I am.” Monae is expressing her feminism in the form of self acceptance and self-love, but more so, during the rap at the end of the song, is encouraging women to stand up and fight no matter how many times they are knocked down. “Add us to equations but they’ll never make us equal / she who writes the movie owns the script and the sequel / so why ain’t the stealing of my rights made illegal? / they keep us underground working hard for the greedy / but when it’s time pay they turn around and call us needy.” Monae touches on the inequality that women face in the workforce, and the stigma that we face as “needy” females. She then continues the empowering rap, stating that no matter how many times she’s knocked down, or her “wings” are “taken,” she will still fight: “Well I’m gonna keep leading like a young Harriet Tubman / You can take my wings but I’m still goin’ fly” Finally, Monae ends with a call to action for women, who she deems as ‘electric ladies’ - “We rising up now / you gotta deal you gotta cope / will you be electric sheep? / electric ladies, will you sleep? / or will you preach?” Monae isn’t just singing about equality, defining her version of feminism, or even satirizing it – she is attempting to mobilize women to fight for their rights, for the ‘electric ladies’ to ‘preach.’


4. Secrets – Mary Lambert



While Mary Lambert’s song Secrets is not explicitly about feminism, as she includes men and women in her music video, the song’s underlying message is directed toward women. She sings in the pre-chorus, “they tell us from the time we’re young / to hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves / inside ourselves / I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else / well I’m over it.” In the verse she lists all of her “secrets,” which include that she’s overweight, she’s bi-polar, she’s gay, she’s passive aggressive, and she loves her butt. These are things that she has been conditioned to keep under wraps and thus she is encouraging girls and women not only to accept themselves regardless of what society says, but to shout out their “secrets” for everyone to hear. Much like Monae, Lambert is empowering women through self-love and self-acceptance. The music video adds to this, as Lambert’s face sings sweetly through the first verse, with a demure smile on her face. She is proud of her flaws and her “secrets,” and we should smile through our self-acceptance.


5. Bo$$ - Fifth Harmony



Unlike Beyonce, the five powerhouses of the all-girl group Fifth Harmony sing about their lack of a need for a man. They also sing of their desire for hard work, their appreciation of the hard work of other smart and powerful women, and their demand for respect. They sing “You say that you a baller / and I see you tryna holla / But that ain’t how I was brought up / Next. / Working for the money / ‘Cause that’s what my momma taught me / So yo ass better show me some respect.” In the chorus they name drop Michelle Obama and Oprah as bosses. The usage of the word “boss” is very significant – Nicki Minaj, in a past interview, said “When I’m assertive, I’m a bitch. When a man is assertive, he’s a boss.” Fifth Harmony is commenting on this double standard, and the idea that women can be bosses too. In the next verse, they spell out the word confident, and then follow up with “Don’t want yo compliments / use common sense” and “Boy I think you know who run this house / I ain’t thirsty for no bae.” They are clearly stating that they do not need, nor do they want, a man (the ‘bae’ in this situation), especially because they are the ones running things “in this house.” Much like Monae, they feature a call to action in their song, “I pledge allegiance to my independent girls in here / Oh baby / So if you’re with us, come on let me hear you say / yeah.” In addressing their female audience as “independent girls” and asking them to associate with this idea of being a boss, they are encouraging and empowering their audience to “work for the money,” demand respect, and define themselves without thinking of men. The music video adds to their idea of feminism equaling hard work and “bossness,” as the video opens up with the phrase “Think like a boss,” cuts to the girls of Fifth Harmony in a powerful stance, then cuts to the quote “Dreams don’t work unless you do,” cuts again to a different powerful stance but now wearing white blazers and shorts, cuts to “Find yourself, and be that.” They’re doling out this advice to all of their female fans who may need encouragement in being themselves and being independent. Later in the video, each girl competes in an arm wrestling competition with a man, the girls win every time. This is emphasizing their strength, ability, and power in being a “boss.” One of my favorite parts of this song is that it is sung by five girls. Not since Spice Girls have we seen an all girl group make a splash, and this group is using their voice to do good. While I can't say whether or not Fifth Harmony inspires "teenybopper" fans, just the idea of a group of girls fawning over another group of girls and appreciating them for their empowering ideals is attractive to me. Simon Frith and Margot Robbie discuss the collective identity that music gives girls a chance to express - that "A live pop concert is, then, a landmark among their leisure activities" (381). Fifth Harmony is extremely popular among girls, and even just the simple idea of girls celebrating and enjoying their girl power by attending a pop concert where a girl group is performing makes me elated.


6. Cinderella – The Cheetah Girls



This song holds a particular place in my heart. I believe this was the first feminist song, and maybe even feminist ideal, that I identified with at the most extreme. The Cheetah Girls movie was released on Disney Channel when I was 10, and I was obsessed with this song. I loved the lyrics and I loved the meaning, and I loved that I felt empowered when I sang it. The lyrics are simple, but they needed to be so young girls could understand this idea of empowerment and being independent. The song starts out in a very relatable fashion, with a story about being told stories as a young girl, “It always was about a princess in distress / and how a guy would save her / and end up with the glory. / I’d lie in bed / and think about / the person that I wanted to be, / Then one day I realized / the fairy tale life wasn’t for me.” The Cheetah Girls decided that they didn’t want to be Cinderella – they didn’t want to have to be saved by some prince and be powerless in their life. They wanted to be strong and powerful and capable of saving themselves. In the chorus they sing “I don’t wanna be like Cinderella / Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar / waiting for somebody to come and set me free” and “Don’t wanna depend on no one else / I’d rather rescue myself.” The lyrics are clear and simple – Cinderella was helpless, and we don’t want to be. They then dream of falling in love with a man “who’s not afraid to show that he loves me / somebody who will understand I’m happy just the way I am / Don’t need nobody taking care of me / I will be there fore him just a strong as he will be there for me / when I give myself then it has got to be an equal thing.” While this is similar to Beyonce’s idea of being able to be in love and please her man while still maintaining her feminist ideals, the Cheetahs sing about wanting to find this man in the future, being able to fall in love with someone who understands and appreciates their strength. The last verse is the most empowering part of the song, “I can slay my own dragons / I can dream my own dreams / My knight in shining armor is me / So I’m gonna set me free.” As I was a young girl when this song came out, I can verify that this was an empowering song for young girls around the country. Suddenly we weren’t desiring Prince Charmings, we were becoming more and more confident in ourselves, in the idea that we could be independent. My friends and I would dress up in colorful outfits and perform this song around the house – hell, we even performed this at a cantina our parents frequented. This was our anthem. This was teaching us that we could slay our own dragons, and we could depend on ourselves. This song, unlike the rest, is the most clear in its lyrics and in it’s messaging. But, as I mentioned, it needed to be, as the target audience was girls aged 6 to 16. This feminism is empowerment and strength, and much like Fifth Harmony, the irrelevance of the man in a woman’s life.

Stress and Relief

I won't be blogging about my new/current internship in this post, so if that's all you came for ya better find another way to procrastinate.

This marks the seventh week of my junior year at USC and I am losing my mind. I always seem to think I can handle things well (because I usually can) and therefore I always seem to pack my schedule to the brim. And then when I can't handle it, I get so frustrated at myself. In the spring I overloaded my schedule and I had to drop a class. Although I blame a lot of that on both my professor and my TA, it was really rough on me. I TOLD myself that I wouldn't do an internship in the fall because I wanted to focus on my schoolwork and yet here I am, writing this blog at my internship. I'm taking five classes that totals about 17 hours a week, working 10 hours a week, and interning 16 hours a week. I have almost no free time during the weekdays and it seems like all of my professors want to suffocate me with papers. My October is ridiculous. Here's a glimpse:
9/27 - Philosophy paper #1
10/1 - Scholarship essay
10/3 - Argumentation speech
10/7 - Film paper, Comedy paper
10/14 - Mythology paper
10/21 - Argumentation midterm
10/23 - Film midterm
10/25 - Philosophy paper #2

I know I'm probably not the only one who is having a crazy month of midterm stuff, but it's really hard to balance everything considering I don't finish on Mondays and Wednesdays until 10 and then I intern all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And because I have such busy workweeks all I want to do on the weekends is sleep and go out with my friends.
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I was extremely stressed out when I started writing this post and now that things have calmed down, I figured I'd take the time to finish it. Now that there are only four and a half weeks of class left (sidenote: excuse me WHAT?!?!!), I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know finals are going to kill me since I have two on Friday the 13th and three on the following Monday, but I have almost a whole month until my next big assignment is due, so I won't have to worry about things for a few weeks.

It seems, aside from the war-storm that will be my finals week, that my future is looking pretty great. This weekend my friends and I are traveling up to Berkeley for the Weekender (aka when USC plays Cal or Stanford) and then it's Thanksgiving and then the end of my internship and then the end of the semester and then Christmas and then New Years and then I'll be leaving for LONDON.

I am so unbelievably excited to be studying abroad next semester. I have been wanting to go to London for as long as I can remember... honestly probably since I saw the Spice Girls movie around age 5 or 6. What started simply as a longing to don platform shoes and gallivant on a double-decker bus has grown into a burning desire to explore a world I have only drooled over onscreen. I want to face my fears and take a ride on the London Eye - I want to pretend to be a wizard and travel to Platform 9 & 3/4 - I want to take silly pictures with the Queen's Guard - I want to traipse through castles and gardens - I want to ride the tube and pretend to be from Bristol - I want to skip along Abbey Road like a huge tourist - I want to stand by Big Ben and pretend I'm flying to Neverland - I want to wander around neighborhoods and pretend I'm in an episode of Skins - I want to trot along the Millennium Bridge in fear of an attack by death eaters - I want to come home with an impeccable English accent - I want to travel to the Netherlands and discover my culture - I want to meet with long-lost cousins and uncles and family-friends - I want to travel through the Red Light District and really see what freedom is like - I want to take a cliched picture in front of the "I AMsterdam" sign - I want to eat stroopwafels and haagelslag and speculaas - I want to visit the Anne Frank house - I want to wear orange - I want to travel to France and take a picture under the Eiffel Tower - I want to pretend to fall in love in the city of romance - I want to see Versailles and the Louvre and the Arc de Triomphe - I want to eat decadent French food in cafes wearing all black. I want to stay in hostels and get lost and find myself and figure out what the hell I want with my life.

I want to get out of here because I need a change.

January 8th feels soooo far away but as the days seemingly fly by I know I'll be boarding the plane before I know it.

I just have to get through this semester first.

Comic Con / Catching Up / The Future

It has taken me a little under a month to finish this post - I started writing on July 22nd, and it's already August 16th. My oh my how time flies! This post was originally going to solely be about Comic Con, but a LOT has happenened since then so I'll probably just ramble...

If you didn't know, I was lucky enough to be asked to work Comic Con this year. Even though I've spent the entirety of my internship working on things FOR Comic Con, I never thought I would actually get to go myself. Since I had been coordinating travel and making itineraries and calling hotels and stuff, I knew there were no extra badges and no extra hotel rooms. I had just grown accustomed to telling people "nope, unfortunately I don't get to go to Comic Con - I'm just the intern!" But by some stroke of luck or genius or something, my boss stopped by my cubicle the Thursday before Comic Con week and asked if I still had family living in San Diego. I told her that my mom still lived down there and yes, I would be able to stay with her. When the words came out of her mouth, "would you have any interest in helping out at Comic Con?" I practicaly screamed for joy! Although I'm not a huge comic book fan, I'm a pretty big pop culture nerd and I've always wanted to check it out. Free tickets to the Con? Count me in!

After I agreed to help out on site, I got to sit in on a few meetings and to be honest, I quite nearly pulled my hair out from the sudden amount of stress and last minute plan changes. The day I was supposed to leave for San Diego I stayed working until 7:30pm (don't tell my boss!) just prepping stuff for the week to come. I had an exhausting day at work finishing up everything and I still had to drive three hours in traffic to my mom's house. It's safe to say I was a bit grumpy upon arrival.

I met up with our talent relations team at the hotel on Wednesday afternoon for some onsite prep. We put together the badges & put the final touches on the gift bags for the panelists. Vincent Martella, the voice of Phineas in Phineas and Ferb, was our first arrival. After we gave him everything he needed, we headed over to the convention center to scout the rooms for our panels. Everything and everyone down there was pretty unorganized as the place was swarming with people picking up their badges, and after about twenty minutes of pushing our way through mobs, we decided to part ways.

On Thursday we had a few more talent arrivals but we didn't need to worry too much about them because we had prepped everything the day before. We headed back over to the convention center to really start mapping out our routes. Since one of our jobs was to move talent from place to place without trouble, we needed to figure out the quickest routes from the holding rooms to the panel locations to the autograph areas etc. It was a little crazy at first, but once we got our bearings we figured everything out. Afterward we all went to lunch downtown and talked more about the days to come. When lunch ended, a few of us decided to go back to the convention to wander around the exhibit hall. I had never seen ANYTHING like it - my boss made me take pictures with some of the people dressed in costume and I had a blast doing it. They then released me for the day so I decided to hang around and go to some panels. I was really excited about the Divergent panel, so I waited about an hour for that. Afterward I went to Entertainment Weekly's Bravest Heroes panel (with Tyler Posey and Kit Harrington :* ) and then stayed for the Teen Wolf panel afterward. They announced they would be doing an autograph signing at the MTV2 after party, so I attempted to make my way over there. Basically I walked about two miles more than I needed to only to stumble upon a line into the party that took 30 minutes to get through. Luckily as I was almost to the front, I saw one of my coworkers from The Voice & I cut with him in line. We grabbed some (free) food and drink and then realized people were already lining up for the TW signing so we popped in there as soon as we could. Of course the signing only lasted about 45 minutes so we didn't get in, but I drooled longily over the entire cast. I left pretty soon after that because it was already 9pm and I was EXHAUSTED and I knew I had to be at work pretty early the next day.

Friday was our first real day at the Con - we had our Phineas and Ferb panel and autograph session. We got everything together and waited for the cast to meet up in the hotel lobby. There wasn't enough room in the van for everyone, so I went first in a cab and prepped everything in the holding room. I met the van when they arrived and led them to the room where they would wait until the panel started. There was a bit of a fiasco involving the actual panel room, but I won't elaborate too much on it except that I was right the whole time and no one would listen to me... oh the perks of being an intern! But of course we figured everything out and the panel went really well! We escorted them to the autograph session and just hung out until they finished. It was honestly a lot more lowkey than I expected. Once again at the end of the day we parted ways, but I was too drained to do anything but go home and pass out.

Saturday was even cooler than Friday because the panel was a few hours earlier, so although I had to be there earlier we finished up sooner. We had our Gravity Falls panel and autograph session as well as our Wander Over Yonder autograph session (a new show on Disney!) so I expected it to be insane, but I was 75% less stressed out than I planned to be. The turnout for Gravity Falls was absurd - apparently we asked for a bigger room than last year and they didn't give it to us, so they turned away almost 1000 people. EVERYONE was dressed up in costumes from the show and the cast and crew really had an awesome set planned - they made a light up sweater and a show puppet and had Dipper hats and giant faces of the cast to pass out - it was so cool. And because we had "A-List Talent" in that group (Kristen Schaal and Jason Ritter) they got the backstage treatment, AKA we rode on golfcarts behind the scenes to the autograph session. It was pretty exciting. The autograph session went really well and afterward I rode in the van with Jason and the creator of the show, Alex, to make sure they got to the hotel okay. When I went back to the convention center my boss told me that they didn't really need me to stick around for the Wander autographs, so I was free for the rest of the day. Fortunately for me, I was able to see the panel for The Vampire Diaries and have some more time to walk around the exhibit hall. I'm glad I got to work AND play while I was down there.

Overall it was a really successful trip - I saw my mom, my friends, CC panels AND I got experience working an event with talent. I would go again in a heartbeat.


WHAT ELSE has happened since the Con?
-Well, both Skylar Astin and Tyler Posey came in for auditions and I was allowed to sit in on both of them :)
-I had a great time at "Disney Intern Disneyland Day" and got a free ticket to both parks and got PAID to have a great day with some new friends.
-I'm on a first name basis with Jack McBrayer.
-I've had so much free sushi this summer I lost count
-I suggested actors for roles and some of them got callbacks! It's always exciting when your ideas turn out to be GOOD
-One of the artists on Phineas and Ferb made me an intern name plate!!!
-I took a class on Presentation Skills, Personal Branding and Professionalism
-Got free In N Out and winning prizes at the End of Summer intern party
-Got nicknamed "The Intern"
-Gave my talent scouting presentation and got a lot of praise for it
-Saw an early screening of Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel with the Phineas crew
-Literally a ton of stuff but it's been so long I can't remember specifics
-Got offered an internship for the fall......

What!?!? I know. Yeah. On Friday I was offered another casting internship. It was a really weird thing because for the past three weeks every day I've been going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth about whether or not I want a fall internship. I have room in my schedule but I also have like 9 straight hours of class on Wednesdays. I wanted to try to stay at my current internship, and then I wanted to try something new, and then I wanted to stay, and then I wanted to just say SCREW INTERNING and focus on school this semester, and then I wanted an internship, etc etc etc etc times infinity. I applied to Viacom because I wanted to work at MTV and I emailed the woman I interviewed with in the spring at NBC. A few days after I sent in my resume to Viacom, I got a phone call asking to set up an interview. But of course it wasn't with MTV - nope - it was with Nickelodeon. After I decided that one of the main reasons I didn't want to stay at my internship was to explore the world of non-animated, non children's programs. The other children's station wanted me. It didn't help that I accidentally scheduled my interview during our art gallery opening/wine & cheese party - something that I have been looking forward to this whole summer. I mean, I didn't even want the internship anyway! Boo kids TV! It had been almost two weeks since I emailed NBC, so I figured that wasn't working out. I asked to change my Nickelodeon interview and then AGAIN accidentally scheduled it at a bad time - during when my favorite attractive young male actor was supposed to come in for an audition (spoiler alert - he canceled last minute). I was so reluctant to the interview I was really considering just canceling it all together - I figured hey, might as well just check out the on campus jobs for work study and just work two jobs instead of one job and one internship. Of course I found myself maybe accidentally applying for a casting internship at Paramount along the way... but about 20 minutes after I submitted my resume, I got an email. No, not from Paramount or MTV or wherever you may be thinking that isn't the right answer, the woman from NBC emailed me. The way the email started out I was sure it was a denial letter - yet upon opening it I discovered that no, it wasn't a denial. Nope. It was a job offer. She told me I didn't need to interview again (I had asked to) and that she was offering me the internship. I was baffled. Less than a half hour before I was scrapping the idea of interning this fall and suddenly I had a really easy opportunity. Could all my anxiety realy have been for naught?

If you've read my other posts you may know that I really wanted the NBC casting internship for the summer - I was really confident about my interview and it seemed like they basically almost offered me the internship before I left the interview. Yet when I followed up three weeks later the woman apologized and said her boss decided to rehire their current intern, but to stay in touch for future opportunities. I was crushed and, moreover, I was hopeless. What on EARTH was I going to do? I hadn't heard back from anywhere else I applied and I had already started to plan out my summer with this internship in mind. Losing the position left me with a blank summer and I didn't know what to do about it. Plus, my fall schedule disallowed for an internship - what good would "future opportunities" do for me if I didn't have the time? So, of course, I made the time. I wanted this position so badly that I changed around my entire schedule to fit the internship. Just in case. I like to be busy. As for the summer, I tried to figure out alternatives and although they weren't ideal, they were paid. I had three jobs lined up and I was coming to terms with the fact that I wouldn't have a fun and exciting internship this year. Of course, as you know, I ended up spending my summer at Disney. The interview was out of the blue and then they offered it to me and suddenly I had a summer internship, arguably one that was better than I expected. It was a pretty unexpected opportunity that shook my whole world right-side-up. Disney?? Really?!?

So fast-forward to now. I'm finishing up my last week at Disney and I have such mixed feelings about it. I am so unbelivably sad to be leaving everyone here - I work under an amazing team and I really feel like I became part of the family here. I'm sure this all sounds cliche to you but I almost cried in my last casting meeting today when everyone said they were going to miss me. They're having a farewell lunch for me on my last day and I assure you a tear will be shed. It's bittersweet because I'm very sad to be leaving but I'm also looking forward to not only starting my junior year at USC but starting a new chapter of my career life. I've learned so much here at TVA but I have this feeling that staying here in the fall wouldn't be the best career move for me - I want to explore the world of live action television casting and I'm hopeful that NBC will give me that opportunity. But hey, who really knows what the future has in store?

Don't Make Me Leave

It's been almost two whole weeks since my last post and things at my internship just keep getting better. It's really great to work in an environment where everyone is really happy and ACTUALLY wants to be there. Plus, as an intern, it's amazing to work under people who genuinely want you to learn about their field. Today one of my bosses basically quizzed me on a conference call I had the privilege to sit in on- and interestingly enough, I learned a lot from a ten minute phone call.

Every day is different - there isn't really a typical day at the office. One morning I'll be at the studio signing in actors for their recording sessions and the next I'm scheduling cars and makeup artists for Comic Con. I'll prep for auditions, sit in on meetings, watch animatics of shows in their very first stages of development, do casting research for roles, put together end-of-series gifts, and sometimes I'll just hang out and watch the actors do what they do best.

I'll break down TODAY for you just so you can get an example
I had to be at a recording session this morning in Studio City by 8:45am and honestly I was afraid I wasn't gonna make it. Luckily I was three minutes early and anyone who I wouldn't want to know that I arrived late didn't show up until a lot closer to 9, so that was good. The session was for a brand new show called Wander Over Yonder (I googled it and it's already all over the web so this isn't confidential information or anything) and honestly, it looks really funny. The first session was with April Winchell (who does so much voiceover work holy Clarabelle Cow [this is a funny joke because she voiced Clarabelle Cow]) and Jack McBrayer, or Kenneth from 30 Rock. Jack arrived a bit early so we chatted a bit - he's definitely a nice guy. Once everyone showed up and Jack and April popped into the booth, I was clutching my sides in laughter. The episode they recorded was so hilarious I cannot WAIT to see it. After they finished, Tom Kenny and Keith Ferguson came in and I handled all their paperwork. Usually we only record one person at a time (which I asked my boss about today and he said that that has to do with scheduling conflicts) but they prefer to have the actors play off each other in the booth aka record with more than one person. I took off after that because it was already 11:45 and I was trying to make it back to the office so I could head over to the intern lunch. Every Thursday there are "intern lunches" and I have yet to make it to one and I wanted today to be THE DAY. Unfortunately, as I was driving back, the only other intern in my building (who I haven't even had a chance to get to know yet) texted me saying that she would have to bail and therefore we couldn't walk over together. I realized that I probably shouldn't go either because I wanted to be back in the office by 1:00. I grabbed some lunch once I got back and ate super fast because by the time I got my food it was already 12:30. I had been sitting in on some auditions for a new pilot and my boss (I have 6 bosses so I'm probably never talking about the same one) had asked if I wanted to sit in on a conference call with the creators about the actors they saw. Obviously I said yes, so two of my bosses and I sat in a small conference room and called these dudes to discuss their thoughts on the auditionees. Honestly I had a few people in my mind and I was a little shocked when they didn't say a single one of them! But as I mentioned before, I definitely learned a lot from the exchange. Afterward I took care of some Comic Con stuff (there is so much to do every day it's crazy) and then I prepped for the Mickey Mouse Shorts record (side note: WATCH THE PREMIERE OF THE FIRST EPISODE TOMORROW, FRIDAY JUNE 28TH! I don't know what time it's on, but keep an eye out tehe). The first guy who recorded was hilarious and, upon looking him up on imdb, has an extensive list of voice over work. Next was the voice of Goofy - it was so cool to watch him record Goofy's lines. After that, the voice of Tigger, Winnie the Pooh AND Cat from CatDog recorded and although he didn't record as any of those characters, it was still really awesome to watch him work. I realized though that it was already 5:30 and since I got to the studio at 9 this morning, I had to get ready to go. I got back to my cubicle, responded to a bunch of emails, and updated my Comic Con files. I checked in with my boss on my way out and, like every day, I was sad to go. I really love my internship and I look forward to waking up at 7:30 every morning because of it. Every day is different, but almost always fun and exciting, and I really don't want it to end. It seems really early on, but I want to know if and how I could stay on throughout the fall - I know I should experience another new environment and company and department, but I love it here and honestly I could see myself working in Disney for my entire life (surprise, surprise).

Some other highlights of the past two weeks include: meeting/signing in Wayne Brady, putting end-of-series gifts together for Rachel Dratch and Jennifer Coolidge, watching Blake Anderson and Danny Pudi audition, hearing Bobby Moynihan audition (over the phone), hearing Linda Cardinelli record for Gravity Falls (also over the phone, still cool though! She still sounds like good ol' Lindsey from Freaks and Geeks), watching Vincent Martella (the voice of Phineas from Phineas and Ferb) and Ashley Tisdale record, getting free sushi for lunch at the studio, directing the mock audition and then getting critiqued on my critiques (so interesting!), passing Johnny Knoxville in the hall at the studio and not realizing it was him until after he said hi to me, listening to a speech from the co-presidents of Disney Interactive, getting my first paycheck, and realizing how hard it actually is to come up with ideas for animated characters within very narrow parameters.

Please don't make me leave.

Onward and Upward

I am in love with my internship. I am head over heels, over the moon, walking on sunshine, etc at this place. As my third day slowly comes to a close, I figured it would be a good idea to blog about my first three days working for DISNEY.

Although I wasn't specific in my last post, I mentioned that I had an interview for a really, really, really big company. Well, that company happened to be Disney and I happened to get the internship. I was shocked (and honestly I still kind of am) when I recieved the offer and I still haven't gotten over it. I'm working as a casting intern in Disney's television animation department. And so far, it's been absolutely amazing. Comparing it to the internship I had all last semester, it honestly disgusts me how bad of a program they had. I have learned more in my three days here about casting and animation than I learned about talent management in the FOUR MONTHS I interned at the-company-that-must-not-be-named. But no matter, for I have moved onward and upward!

On my first day I seemingly had an endless amount of technological issues - my keycard wasn't allowing me access anywhere, my voicemail wasn't working, the website wasn't allowing me to enter my time, etc. It was frustrating, but not enough to bring me down even a pinch. After lunch I had the privilege to sit in on a recording session and watch Mickey Mouse himself act out lines. It was surreal. I also helped out with scheduling for Comic Con and just got a general feel for the office and how it's run.

My second day was a bit busier - in the morning I sat in on auditions for a new show and it was great. I loved seeing how different actors interpreted the lines and direction and I loved being able to close my eyes and imagine a tiny animated boy speaking the words I was hearing. Throughout the day I helped out with some more Comic Con preparation (there is SO much you have to think about when planning for events like that it's crazy). One of the coolest things though was sitting in on a Phineas and Ferb record - I got to meet the co-creators of the show and watch the guy who plays Dr. Doofenshmirtz (Dan Povenmire) flawlessly deliver his lines. It was crazy and awesome, especially because I LOVE Phineas and Ferb.

Today has been the slowest of the three because a few of my bosses are out today - I helped with some organizational stuff and I prepped sides for future auditions. For lunch though my BOSS boss offered to take me and a guy who's temping for the day out to sushi. Not only did I get a free rainbow roll, but I got to bond with my boss. He's really awesome and it seems like he wants me to learn a LOT this summer and wants to give me a lot of responsibility (which I am SO ready for). He told me and the temp that we were gonna do a mock audition today - the temp gets to be on the mic (he's really an actor, of course) and I get to DIRECT THE "AUDITION". Like um excuse me what??? AND my boss said he wants me going to at least one comedy show, improv show, or theatre production every week so I can report back with my opinions on fresh talent. And he's going to fund it all. Like, if this isn't perfection I don't know what is (knock on wood).

Above everything, I just love working at Disney. Aside from it being a huge household name, it's a company that really aims to inspire and provide happiness to both kids and adults. A lot of the employees in the office have children and it seems like every day there is some sort of young person running around the office laughing. It's one of the greatest things to hear when you're really serious and focused on something you're working on - children's laughter really reminds you to be happy and have a good time.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful week! Cheers to the weekend :)

Speed Bumps and Road Blocks

I believe in fate. I think it's a beautiful concept that I hope has at least something to do with everyone's day to day lives. But I'm a stronger believer in making your own destiny via hard work and perseverance. You can't just sit back and wait for your life to happen. In the same vein, when you face a disappointment in life you don't have to shrug it off because "everything happens for a reason." You deserve to cry your eyes out or stew in anger or have one too many extra long naps, at least for a few days. If you keep working hard and focusing on your goal(s), you're bound to find another great opportunity. As you can probably guess, I recently had a career disappointment.

About two months ago I had an interview with a very large company for an internship in their TV casting department. I've interviewed a handful of times but this was definitely my best interview ever - I seemed to do everything right, I answered all the questions really well, and I definitely hit it off with the two people interviewing me. At the end of the interview they were very cheerful; they told me they "really liked [me]" but they had to keep interviewing other people and that there was no hard feelings if I took another internship and they would get back to me in a few weeks. I was on a white glittering fluffy cloud. While of course I knew there was a chance I didn't get the internship, I was very optimistic about it, and I was sort of planning my summer around working there. Three weeks went by and I hadn't heard from anyone, so I decided to follow up. The email I received as a response was a bit crushing. The two people I interviewed with (who would have been my bosses) have a boss and she decided to rehire their current intern but they "loved [me]" and would recommend me for anyone this summer and wanted to discuss fall internship opportunities. So the email was bad, especially cause my fall class schedule didn't allow for an internship. And while this happened about a month ago, I'm still pretty devastated about it. And okay, yeah, I decided to alter my fall schedule to allow for this internship because it's definitely an opportunity I don't want to pass up on, but not getting the internship threw my entire world into whack and I was extremely stressed out for about two weeks.

You may wonder why I'm writing this post now as opposed to then. I mentioned the whole "if you keep working you're bound to find another opportunity" - well, I may have a few of those. Initially the only job I had locked down was my on campus job in the communication school at USC, but because I was relying on the internship, I was only scheduled to work 13 hours a week and now I can't get any more hours. I really didn't want to work X Games again (just as I told myself last summer..), but it's pretty good money for only 20 days of (hard) work so on Wednesday I emailed my boss about it and got a positive response. Also on Wednesday I was approached by a professor I did an unpaid research study with in the fall and she asked me to be one of her paid research assistants this summer. Now this was all fine and dandy until yesterday afternoon when I received an email from one of the biggest companies in the god damned world asking to set up an interview with me for their full time paid summer internship. I had a phone interview with them three weeks ago and the woman I talked to said I would hear back "early next week." The interview was on a Wednesday and when I didn't hear back by the following Wednesday I followed up. She emailed back right away indicating that they should be scheduling interviews that week. THAT WAS OVER TWO WEEKS AGO. Honestly I thought they didn't want me to interview so I just carried on with my job search. And now I have an interview on Thursday and if I DO get this internship, I have to take it. I can't NOT take this internship. And then I would have to bail out on three jobs I have lined up, and bailing is not something I like to do. Ever. Naturally I'm a bit frazzled about the situation but I'm trying not to to think too much into it until after my interview. Who knows, I could make a complete fool out of myself (the interview is with the Vice President of Casting) and walk out of the building and throw up on the security guard's shoes. But I shall cross that path when I come to it and do my best to avoid as many speed bumps and road blocks as I can.

This Week in Movies...

I know I'm not going to make a habit of this, but since I've seen three pretty good movies this week I figured I'd blog about them. I need to update this and after tonight's screening and Q&A in my film class I figure I might as well. In the past seven days I saw The Place Beyond the Pines (and had a Q&A with writer/director Derek Cianfrance and producer Jamie Patricof), 21 and Over, and Oz the Great and Powerful (and had a Q&A with actors Zach Braff and James Franco.

The Place Beyond the Pines

I think Pines was my favorite movie out of the three. I saw it in my film class last Thursday and it was great. One of the many things I love about my film class is, for the most part, we don't have a lot of previous exposure to the films we get to watch. I walk in around 6:50 and get a flier with a breakdown of that night's movie and a bio of the person we have the Q&A with. I hadn't heard anything about Pines before class aside from the few pictures that surfaced of Ryan Gosling with bleached blonde hair. And it was. So. Much. Better. that way. For the sake of all things beautiful and film-related, I'm not going to break down the plot or spoil anything about the film. I loathe spoilers and this movie is definitely one that I would suggest you do ABSOLUTELY NO PREVIOUS RESEARCH ABOUT. There are a few surprises that I'm afraid would be given away somehow in a plot description that I think need to be experienced in theaters. I'm not sure when it's coming out but I definitely recommend it. It had amazing character development and emotion and you find yourself feeling for every character even when you know they've done something wrong. It was a commentary on morale and integrity and corruption and love. It was fabulous. Cianfrance is basically a genius who encourages his actors to "fail" and improvise and have real feelings and relationships. He doesn't want the actors to read the script - he wants everything to be authentic. He also directed Blue Valentine and his talents are so obvious in his direction. He captures those moments that feel so REAL (and we may never know if it's acting or if he just happened to turn on the camera) and those moments are so full of emotion, they just get ya. Oh, and Ryan Gosling is extremely hot with bleached hair, a stupid amount of tattoos and an EXCEPTIONAL BODY. Like, take Crazy, Stupid, Love (you know, the 'Oh my god you're, like, photoshopped' scene) and then quadruple it. Plus I was weirdly turned on by the "heart throb" tattoo on his neck. Weird, but hot. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't silently squealing like a schoolgirl every time he revved up his motorcycle and I'm also not going to apologize about it. This seems like a nice transition into our next film...

21 and Over

I am the target demographic for this film. I can't say how a seventeen year old is going to feel about it and I can't tell you how a forty-five year old is going to feel about it. But as an-almost-twenty middle class college student who's turning 21 in almost a year (a year and 65 days to be exact), this movie was perfect for me. I saw it at 10:20 on Tuesday night with three of my girlfriends and I was keeling over with laughter throughout the whole thing. And okay, one of my friends called it "A Hannah Film" afterward, but that's not important. While most of the humor was very sharp and maybe a bit offensive, it all worked. Justin Chon played the really smart pre-med who can't celebrate his 21st birthday because he has a med school interview at eight am; however he actually may not really be all he seems and his friends find this out while he's passed out, flying out of windows and eating tampons. Miles Teller played the token lazy asshole douchebag dumbass who always does everything wrong (with extreme confidence) and says all of the things you feel really bad for laughing at. Skylar Astin played the uptight Stanford cutie who isn't celebrating "the best years of his life" like he should and can't close a girl. It was Project X and The Hangover combined, but for college students. It's one of those movies that sort of make you glad you're not the characters but also kind of make you feel like you're doing college "wrong." There were definitely some plot holes in the end that they sort of just wrapped too quickly (the gun plot line was one they just kicked under the bed) but overall I thought it was a very entertaining movie. Plus there's a sort of sorority torture scene where Skylar and Miles are stripped down to nothing but socks on their co-, well, you know, and as an almost-twenty-year-old who fell in love with Skylar when he was crooning in Pitch Perfect and denying taking Zosia Mamet's virginity in Girls , this entire scene was much, MUCH appreciated. Miles isn't too bad to look at either... I could watch that scene for a week straight and not stop drooling. But uh, anyway... You can't go into the film and expect something you know it's not going to be. It's a fun film about college and screwing up and getting too drunk and learning that your "lifelong friends" may not actually last your lifetime. Or maybe they will.

Oz the Great and Powerful

I really enjoyed Oz. We saw Jack the Giant Slayer in my film class last month and while I definitely enjoyed it at the time, this was far superior. While they're both 3D films based off old stories with great casts, Oz definitely beats out Jack. The use of 3D was FAR more successful in this film - the land of Oz is breathtaking and it makes me really really jealous of vfx people. The story isn't anything like the movie (because it absolutely couldn't be anything like it for legal reasons) so you need to go into it with an open mind, not with the original Judy Garland movie in the back of your head. It's definitely a bit cliche in some parts but I found myself cackling throughout the entire film. The magic though was definitely in the q&a with Zach and James. Both are actors and filmmakers and while this is the first big film that Zach has been in (and he was a monkey for most of it), James has a very very very large career. They talked about the process and their wonderful interaction with their director Sam and the incredible aspects of 3D filming (i.e. they had multiple football field long blue screen sets). Also, Zach Braff is absolutely hilarious. I wanted to take him home and make him tell me jokes for the rest of my life. But back to the film- it's a blockbuster and I think it's very successful in what it was trying to be. Zach was a monkey in the film but it wasn't just his voice - he was in a sort-of motion capture suit and he had to be there for each take and every little nuance Finley does, Zach did. Also Joey King is fabulous as a china doll. And Michelle Williams is the most elegant, beautiful and perfect Glinda and I would kill for her white dress. I enjoyed it and I think it's going to do really well at the box office. And if only their legal team allowed James to say "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" at the end of the film - ah, well. One day the film will be public domain and until then there will be no ruby slippers in sight.